Thursday, 18 December 2014

Day 48 - Messing about with appointments

Well I was going to write this last night, but I got distracted by MUD with Lonely this Christmas popping on Vintage TV, and they always did make me melt then, and still do now when I hear them, so I melted into the sofa, and that was it – mind gone blank. But I will talk about me and MUD another time, it's my anger with the NHS that I have right now that is today's subject.

Anger is to many a worthless past time, and most of the time I would subscribe to that sentiment, but where the NHS is concerned at present in my life and that of my family and friends, it is well directed towards the NHS, in particular that part that covers Leicestershire. I am normally quite placid and always try to be friendly and courtious towards the staff I come in contact with, but there is only so much anyone person can take, and I have reached my limit.

As I probably explained before, I was unable to make the appointment with the Consultant on 8 December, due to a sudden onset migraine with vomiting, and there was no way I could drive, so I phoned and had to leave a message on an answerphone, I asked during this message for them to ring me with another appointment date. Well you guessed it, I didn't get a phone call. But have since received a letter dated 9 December making another appointment for 12 January. To be honest I was quite glad that I wouldn't have to go back there again before the holidays.

What a surprise I then had, when I then received a text very late at night, confirming my appointment on 22 December. Of course these appointments texts don't go so far as to tell you what department your visiting, so this meant a phone call the next day to find out more details. Oh Boy! Was I in for a surprise, the person said it was for the same department, and the appointment for 12 January was cancelled! Then they gave me some line that another department had sent out the wrong letter, they should have sent the letter cancelling 12 January, and re-arranging it for 22 December!!!!!!! It's at this point you forget about your hair turning grey, as you are ever so slowly pulling it out one strand at a time.

Fast forward to 17 December, when yet another letter arrives from the Hospital, regarding the appointment I had to postpone on 8 December due to the migraine – if you remember – but obviously nobody at the hospital ever listens to messages, let alone passes them on. This letter is from the Consultant who just tells my GP that I did not attend and never gave any explanation!!!

Am I going to have a good fun appointment on Monday, especially as I already wanted to take them to task about them thinking I am 66 years old. Hell it's bad enough being 56, without them adding on 10 years just for the hell of it.

Then to cap it all the news on TV this evening is going on about how many operations are being cancelled in hospitals locally. If people were taken less to hospital for finger ache or being out of their tiny brains on drink, there would be more time and effort spent on those who have genuine illnesses. Believe me I know, I was taken to A&E some weeks back, and the numbers of people there because of intoxication was unreal, then they become abusive or anti-social – spitting was the one that was brought in when I was there.

Here's an idea, lets take all the intoxicated one's and drop them off at the local dog warden's place, so the Dog warden will have extra helpers, and the hospital will have more time to diagnose and give better care and treatment to those who are ill. This will probably get more of our Police officers back on their real job of catching criminals etc. The Police are NOT babysitters for teens who think it's good to get wasted every weekend. How many are repeat offenders I wonder??? Would they do it so often if they were taken to the Dog Warden???

I will be back again – probably Monday when I have had my appointment, for now I need bed as we have multiple deliveries tomorrow – food and Xmas presents, then I have to get the presents wrapped and in the post or with the Courier.

Hugs to you all

Saturday, 29 November 2014

Day 30 - Hips & Knees join Lower lumbar region

Well you know those days when you wake up and think today might be good??  Forget it today wasn't one of them.  I realised that the Car needed it's MOT doing or it would be off the road at midnight, so managed to get that booked in for 2pm, but before that Mia had to have her dressing changed at the Vet.

The Surgery at the Vet was challenging to say the least, there was another Cocker Spaniel there, and a competition then proceeded, they decided to have a howling competition - to be honest I couldn't wait for one of us to be called, as I knew it would just degenerate into open warfare.  Mia was suddenly called by her vet to save the sanity of the receptionists and our ears.  Mia was taken to have her dressing changed, and I went back to Reception.  I found out the other Spaniel was only 4 years old, which then caused me concern, as she was the size of 2 of Mia, and only the other day we were checking to ensure that Mia wasn't overweight.  Cocker Spaniels have a thing about food, they just eat and eat, and then eat some more.  Mia loves to keep up this tradition given the chance, and will eat anything and everything going.  But we are lucky, as she is a perfect weight.  Mia was soon brought back to me with her new dressing - purple this time instead of the pink.  Once we had been relieved of yet another £30, we headed back to the car.  Do remember that this dog has 4 legs and they are all useable, I must have the only dog that refuses to jump into the car at any time.  So it forces me to bend down to lift it into the car.  I know it's blind, but it can still jump - it does it when it wants to sleep on our bed!  It also refuses to jump out of the car as well, so it's a repeat performance when we get home.

Time for a drink and relax and check emails, before disappearing for the MOT.  Why do MOT's always put the fear of God in you, and make you worry that your going to end up paying through the nose??  But I should not have worried, as she passed yet again.  So they then relieved me of £40, and I disappeared off to Iceland.  

It didn't take me long to fill my trolley to the brim, I only use the shallow one's, so it's not much really, then paid for that, and came home to wait for the delivery to turn up.  It's such a shame my local store doesn't do online ordering at present, then I wouldn't have to trundle round the supermarket, getting caught up with so many people - yep the Xmas rush has begun.

Well after today's escapades, my hips and knees have joined up with my lower lumbar pain, and it appears they are all singing from the same music score.  It isn't a very good music score either, I think they are making it up as they go along, and I just wish they would do one and leave me in peace.

I'm still trying to think, what I want for Xmas - only been thinking about it for a month and no nearer to working out what I want than I was at the beginning.  I'm sure I will think of something sooner or later.  I have heard diamonds are a girls best friend, and of course I don't mind if there are a few aquamarines included in the mix.

Well the pain is telling me it's about time I lay down for the night, and I don't have the energy to fight it, so I will obey it.

Night all - see you on the other side

Friday, 28 November 2014

Day 29 - Exhaustion

Waking up and feeling like you have already been run over by a London Bus is not a good start to any day, and God forbid that you actually need to do something.  But that's how life hit me this morning.  Very soon after this the Sainsbury's driver was here, and the demands of getting that lot put away for another week began.  I just hope I have sufficient energy for my trip to Iceland tomorrow - the store not the Country!  Although a holiday would be appreciated, there's no denying that.  But our Fur babies have to be considered in everything we do, and it's not the right time with Mia just having had her toe removed.  Quite a cheeky girl really, walking quite well on the leg if she thinks your not looking but if she thinks you are, it's like having a 3 legged dog, she hops around on 3 legs with extreme ease really.  Her only problem at present is she appears to have a rather sore throat, me thinks that is from the howling and barking at the Vet on Tuesday, her bark is not up to her usual standard, and reminds me somewhat of a much smaller dog.  But  let's just say the neighbours don't need to worry when she does goods inwards for deliveries.

Well if you are a friend of mine on Facebook, you will know my Fridge was raided tonight, and I was attacked by a bottle of wine.  It doesn't happen often, but these things are sent to try us, and this tried me and got the better of me.  Never mind tomorrow is another day, and there are a couple of bottles on the shelf apart from the wine - trial samples of course....if you believe that, you'll believe anything.

Night all - see you on the other side xxx

Thursday, 27 November 2014

Day 28 - Oncology Appointment

Once again I left in plenty of time to get to hospital, but as always seems to happen, things go tits up from the first main roundabout out of Coalville the road was blocked by a Police car, so obviously there had been an accident, so had to divert via the Industrial estate, stopped at the petrol station, and came out to carry on, oh dear got over the roundabout after the petrol station, and came across a major traffic jam, indicating another possible accident, but was lucky and managed to find a gap in the central reservation, so was able to do a u turn, and go up over the top of the hill into the city.

Little did I realise that every man and dog with extended family wanted to go to the hospital again, so much so, I couldn't get near the hospital, and the closest I could park was about a mile away.  I was not impressed at all, it is totally ridiculous, people are going to have to factor in the massive queues for the hospital in their travel time, I have noticed that they don't appear to mention this in appointment letters anymore, probably because of the noise people will create when they find out the wait time for parking is over an hour.  Then when you get in the car park, you find it full of massive pot holes, one of which is at least 12" across and at least 6" deep, this can cause substantial damage to any car, and I dare not even think about what would happen if you tripped in it!

When I finally got to the clinic, I booked in and took a seat, but wasn't actually kept waiting very long, before I was taken in to see a lovely lady Dr.  Her name escapes me as usual.  She told me there had been lengthy discussions between my GP and her department, with Radiology and another department.  The CT scan she advised me, which was a Full Torso scan actually didn't show up the tumour in my spine, which is sounding pretty unusual to me.  I told her in no uncertain terms, that I want to know what the tumour found in the MRI scan is.  It's not going to go away, just because we don't find out what it is.  I explained about the excruciating pain that I am suffering, doing only things that really have to be done.  Food that can be put in the oven and left to it's own devices is the best I can manage, 3 minutes isn't long when you have to dish out food etc.  I have to sit down half way through loading and unloading the dishwasher, if I don't, I'll fall down - there is no choice in the matter.  People don't realise that I have been suffering this for about 3 years, and the pain brings me to tears most days, I'm just dam good at hiding it, but I don't see why I should keep on hiding the pain any longer, and I refuse to hide it any more.

I now have to wait for a call from this Dr when she has spoken to the Dr in Radiology about a Biopsy being taken from the site to try to determine what it is.  I have another appointment for January, and will have another MRI so that they can compare the size to see if it is any difference.

So once again I get to sit and wait, with no clear result as yet.  I had to give the obligatory blood test before leaving for home.  I don't know what they are looking for, and have got to the point where I don't think I care much anymore either.  The Doctor did say that I should visit my GP, and discuss with them the possibility of going back on the Morphine patches for pain relief.  I might as well, paracetamol does seem a waste of time and money, no better effect than having a packet of smarties - but without the colour and the chocolate.

Right I need sleep, but will probably have a ramble on tomorrow, Sainsbury's delivery is due between 9 and 10 so that should be fun - NOT.

Night all xxx

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Day 27 - 25 November 2014 - Little Girl had toe removed today.

Well, today came earlier than expected - didn't sleep much last night, not sure if it was Mia dog going to the Vet, or my appointment tomorrow - perhaps a combination of the 2.

It's not much fun having to scrape ice off the car pre 8am in -3c temperature!  That's a bit brass monkey's to say the least.

The operation went well, and her toe has been sent of for analysis, to see if it is cancerous.  I do hope not, I've seen so many animals in this small close pass from cancer related problems, including my own Kimmy dog in April last year, and then my Daddy cat Spot just 2 weeks later.  It's not been confined to just the animal residents either - too many humans have passed here from cancer as well.  Sometimes, just sometimes, if you dwell on it too long, it can really bug you.  So it's best not to.

We are given pets to keep us company, or is it the other way round, which ever it is only for a limited amount of time, so we have to make the best of the time we have with them, when they are gone, we think of the good times we had with each and every pet we have owned.  They all leave a footprint on us of one kind or another.

Mia is happily bouncing around on 3 legs - we get a display of her poorly leg being held up off the ground, when she moves about.  We start on the medication in the morning, she had long lasting injections at the vet.  But I am sure she will let us know if there are problems.  Much the same as she did, at the vet today - she speedily found her barks and howls, thank goodness we were out of earshot - they can be pretty lethal.  Should be fun Friday, she has to go back for the leg to be re-dressed.  As she hasn't learnt to drive yet, I guess I'm the driver.

But before that, I have my Oncology appointment tomorrow, what that will bring I don't know, lets just hope something gets moving, I'm so fed up of being messed about by NHS.  I bet they go for my blood as well, nothing new there.  I get the feeling that I may end up as a pin cushion in the future.  Mind you most ladies I know that have been pregnant, will know what I mean about pin cushion.  Please bear with me, as I wish to explain to my family - Chris, my Son and his girlfriend, Chris' Mum and his Sister in far away USA about the appointment first, I don't want them to find out via others, Facebook or the blog.  This appointment is tomorrow morning, but your guess is as good as mine how long it will take, but when those listed above have been told, then I will post here on the blog.

Right I think it's time for the bed - not sure how much of it we will get, but I work on the principal that if I get there first, I get more than the dog or cats.   Well I might let Mia have a tad more space tonight.  Better not forget to bribe her with Doggie Chocolate Buttons.

Night all - see you on the other side xxx

Monday, 24 November 2014

Day 26 - Monday 24 November 2014 - Soooooo Angry!!!!!!!!!!!

Well as you will remember, today was the appointment with the Ortho, so left here in plenty of time to get there.  I would have been better leaving first thing this morning!!!  I spent over an hour getting a car parking space, it was like the whole of the county had appointments at hospital today.  Once I got a parking spot, I thought ha problem solved, and they are probably running late in clinic anyway - they always are.  It was easy enough to find the department, and gave the receptionist my letter, she was taking ages, then she had a strange look on her face.  I enquired if there was a problem.  She replied "Yes, it would appear you have cancelled your appointment!"  I told her that I had certainly not cancelled my appointment,  in fact my GP, told me in no uncertain terms that I was to attend, and he told me this when I spoke to him on Friday.  I also explained that it was at this same time,  my GP told me that I also had an appointment on 3 December with the Oncology dept.  I made it clear that I had just spent over an hour trying to park, for an appointment that someone deemed fit to mark as cancelled by patient!!!!

I was then taken over to the Oncology Department, where they once again confirmed that an appointment had been booked for 3 December.  I had no option other than to return home, fuming and swearing all the way, I would go so far as to say it was probably suitable for over 18's only!!

I hate to think how I parked the car, but half of it no doubt is in the flower bed, but at that point I really didn't care, all I wanted to do was blast down the phone of the Doctor from the Respiratory Medicine who I believe has been the instigator of this mess.  How unfortunate it was when I got through to his Secretary, that she wasn't there, but will be calling me back tomorrow.  Nowhere in the letter that arrived the other day did it actually state that they had cancelled my appointment for today, and I turned up as the GP told me to.

By the time I had finished on the phone, a lovely Colombian coffee had appeared, so sat smelling the beans and thinking I was far far away............. till that is my phone went.  It was the Oncology Dept. "You have an appointment booked for 3 December, the Doctor is wondering if you can attend on Wednesday this week instead"  So I agree, then she says "If Doctor had known you were here this afternoon, he would have seen you"!!!!!!!  Well that's a fine time to tell me, after some muppet has wasted my time, petrol and money on parking for an appointment that another muppet had cancelled.

I guess after the above you could say that I was very very angry, and rightly so.  I promise the NHS this - I always try to turn up for my appointments on time - although the parking issue was not of my making, I will not rest until I find out who was responsible for the cancelling of the appointment and having it marked as cancelled by me.  If you cancel an appointment, at short notice, they tally them up till you get to 3, and they can remove you from their books, this goes for GP's, Dentist etc.  I won't have them do this to me.

I am fed up with people messing me around, so no more Mrs Nice Person from me I'm afraid.  Mess me around, and your messing with the wrong one.  This whole saga started when I visited my GP back in September, my MRI that found the Secondary Tumour was done 22 October.  

It's a month to Xmas, and I get the feeling I would have better luck if I booked into the Vet in the morning with my Dog.  At this point I will finish, as my Mia needs cuddles, she is saying she has a mean Mummy and Daddy, as she has not been allowed to eat from 9pm this evening, apparently she is starved, wasting away even!  I have to say the chances of that dog starving are less than Santa appearing at Xmas - we got 4 cats and she's never eaten one of them yet.  Right 8am at the vet for me and doggie, so BED .........

Night all  xxxx

Saturday, 22 November 2014

Day 23 - Strange Letter

Do you ever wonder when you get letters from NHS if they let stupid school out early??  I certainly did today.  The post brought me yet another letter from the Doctor that told me I don't have lung cancer.  Now he says he has referred me to yet somebody else!  Not having been made aware of this by my GP, I called them, and had to wait in for them to call back.  It was so stupid, as the letter made it sound like I didn't need to attend the other appointment with Orthopaedics this coming Monday, as it had been decided that I should see an Oncologist before the Ortho's.  I spoke to the GP, who said he would talk to the Oncologist I had been referred to, so we could establish it an appointment was going to appear.  It as over 4 hours later the GP managed to get back to me, and he was able to confirm that an appointment is going out in the post for me to attend on 3 December, with the Oncologist.  The GP said to also attend the appointment on Monday as well with Ortho's.  Honest it's no wonder that people get confused, miss appointments etc.  It really did feel like I was being messed about, when you consider the MRI was done 22 October, and now a month later, I am still no nearer to finding out what, where, how big etc etc.

I am so fed up with the NHS and Government treating us like numbers instead of the human beings, with feelings.  If your being referred to Hospital it's because your ill.  It's not a nice day out for you, it normally consists of sitting round for hours on end, on very uncomfortable seats, for around 15 minutes of a consultants time - if your lucky.  It amazes me how many people don't turn up for appointments, if they did all turn up, our wait would be even longer.

I'm going to finish now, as I have been so stressed out today with it all, and I know that I am stressed out as my eczema is terrible at the moment.

Night all, and thanks for reading.  Thanks to a special friend who had some time to chat with me today - it was truly appreciated.  


Friday, 21 November 2014

Day 22 - Shopping Day & Reading

This morning, I turned off both alarms, and fell back asleep, so like duh it was a shock when the door bell woke me.  Honest how can I be so daft??  It's not like Sainsbury's can just shove it through the letterbox, mmmmm I'd like to see them try, but that's just my warped sense of humour trying to escape.

The tiredness really got to me today, I didn't think just dealing with shopping delivery would leave me feeling so bad, added to that the pain seems to have moved to my left side, just above my hip, and the stomach is somewhat bloated as well.  Out of all of them, the tiredness is the worst, and yes there are days when I don't feel like getting up, but so far have managed to get up each day, and get dressed, but I really do feel it later in the day, and have to nap.  I do understand that the fatigue is a normal symptom of the disease, but it is so annoying, because although you can do nothing about it you can think of things far more interesting that you would rather do.

I thought I had better do a bit more reading on the Cancer Research Website, about what I do know so far and that - well let's be honest it's not a lot, but it's a starting point and having something that has metastasised - moved from another part of the body.  Where a cancer starts is called the primary cancer. If some cells break away from the primary cancer and move to another part of the body they can form another tumour – a secondary cancer. Cancer that has spread into the bone from another part of the body is called a secondary bone cancer.  They spread through the blood stream or through the lymph system.  What is good to know at this point, is that they can tell from cells in the secondary tumour where the primary tumour is, as it will contain cells of  say lung cancer - which we already know I do not have.  But I think you can get the idea. So by my thinking – we have to remember that I am blonde and that my thoughts do not always run in the same way as medical people probably do – if they take a biopsy of the tumour in my spine, then it will tell us what primary type we are dealing with and what can or can not be done about it.

Yes we do have to face facts that I may or may not survive this disease, there are no rules to it, it does what it wants when it wants. It's not much good if we go head long into Monday with rose tinted glasses, thinking I will come out the other side without any kind of scaring – mentally or physically there will be something.

It would be lovely if I could go along on Monday, and they say “Sorry Julia, we made a mistake”! We all know that won't happen.

I know people will say stuff like

  • Things will be OK
  • You can beat this
  • You are a strong person

I would love to believe these things, but the facts and evidence are there staring us in the face, plain for all to see, and I doubt that I will be making any kind of medical history, by breaking all their scientific research to shreds. It's just a case of facing facts. Don't get me wrong, I sincerely appreciate all the messages of support I have been receiving, people don't realise how nice it is to get messages from friends they haven't spoken to in a while, it can really lift the day. I'm the sort of person who can cope with dealing with the facts of the matter when it comes to medical stuff, no good going round the houses, and it don't solve anything. I think that's why I found last week's appointment so frustrating, and a waste of resources and time. Time that could have been better spent finding out the primary site.

Anyway, Mr Sleep has crept up on me again, so I will have another waffle tomorrow, so that you can get your daily dose of boredom lol.

Night night my friends

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Day 21 - Not very exciting!

Well I wonder what today will bring?

The first thing it brought was a phone call from my Son, asking if I could collect him from the local airport, on his return from Latvia.  So had to keep an eye on the arrivals board online. Initially it was just 10 minutes ahead of time, this suddenly changed whilst I was getting ready, and went to 40 minutes ahead of schedule.  We should also bear in mind that it takes 20 minutes to drive there!  Not bad though, because he had landed by the time I got there and he managed to get through baggage and Customs in next to no time.  Don't get excited though, I doubt your going to have this happen at a major city airport any time soon.

As is normal for most of my travels, I managed to miss the turn for where I was going to meet him, and ended up outside the Departures hall - there for less than 5 minutes, this privilege cost £1!  The car park is even more expensive!

I didn't feel as much of the draging pain today, but just so very very tired.  I actually slept for quite a while today, with no reason that was obvious for feeling like it.  I don't pretend to understand this stupid thing as yet, no even sure if I ever will.

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Day 20 - Appointment with Orthopaedics

Well, would you Adam and Eve it, I have now got an appointment with a Consultant at Hospital for Monday.  I have to say we couldn't quiet believe it when I opened the letter.  I did a search on the Consultant and he has 2 private practice's in the County as well as the NHS hospital.  He has been recognised by an association in USA, and has gained an award for excellence.  I have to say I feel much more confident now.   I would presume, that I won't find out much information about things at the appointment, rather I think he will want me to have a  barrage of tests for this, that and the other.  I know how stressful Chris finds hospitals, so have said that it would be pointless him coming with me. 

Describe your pain!!!  How many people have heard this or had this asked when they tell a Doctor they are in pain??  It must run into millions every day.  There are words we have all used at some point I'm sure - stabbing, pricking, deep, constant, - are all common terms that get used.  I wanted to find a unique way to describe my pain, it's not easy to think about a description when your suffering so much pain.  But we really need to do this, in order that we give our Doctor the best possible description of what we are suffering.  Telling the Doctor that it is chronic, acute etc is all well and good, but everyone has a different idea of what is chronic acute etc.  I wanted a description of the pain, that could in theory be tried out, although I'm certainly not volunteering to try it out.  

I'm sure at some point you will have seen weights with their description on the side or top - similar to those in gyms or used with kitchen scales.  Imagine if you can, a belt around your hips, and on this belt are lots and lots of hooks.  So you stand up and walk to your kitchen, as your walking somebody follows you and is using the hooks to hang those weights on.  We all have our own tolerance to the weights, but eventually we will all be feeling the weights pulling us down to the ground.  If you are a normal healthy person, you will probably be able to withstand quite a lot of the weights, but if you are ill or have other medical conditions your tolerance to the weights will be less, and you will very quickly, feel the weights pulling you downwards, until such time as you are no longer able to stand.  On a good day, I can manage about 3 minutes, before my body screams at me to give in and I have to sit or lie down, before I fall down.  Believe me I wish I could catch that person who is putting the weights on me, because it is severely effecting every aspect of my life.  Just a simple trip out to a shop, is not so simple, I need to ensure I am fully topped up with pain relief, not that I feel it makes much difference, but the Doctor tells me it does.

Well, despite having a nap today, I am exhausted, and this laptop needs to reboot because it did some updates, so for now I wish you good night.

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Day 19 - Not mouth Cancer

Today I had a routine dental appointment, so I took the letter I got with me, and they copied it and put it on my file.  The Dentist carried out the dental check up, and was happy to confirm that there is no visible sign of the Cancer in my mouth.  I never realised that the diagnosis was going to be so hard to get.  How many more people are going to pull me about, only to tell me that it's not this or that with the primary cancer in?  And how long is it going to take?  I'm no good waiting at the best of times, and trying to get a diagnosis piece by piece is driving me nuts.  The stress is sure getting to me, that much I know.  It's fine people saying don't stress, but honestly, who wouldn't feel stressed.  I mean, what else am I supposed to feel.  It's not like I can get excited about it.  As they have not found the primary cause as yet, we don't know how large, far or progressed it is.  It suddenly occurs to me, could it be that it's not Cancer, although I doubt they would have told me in the way they did, and acted with the speed they have done so far.   Is it one of those things, where if they leave you long enough you will just die so they don't have to treat you?  Or make it impossible to cure you.  Sorry but this really is the sort of thing that plays on my mind, and I am sure somebody else in the past has thought it, or in the future will do so.

Surprises - Do you ever wonder what kind of people it is that get surprises?  I don't mean the tv sort of surprises - they are just too unreal to be true.  I mean just normal surprises.   What's a normal surprise though?  Normal and surprise - they don't seem to fit together really.  I don't think I have ever had a normal surprise, but as I don't know what one is, I'm not sure I would know it if I got one.  Is it the same feeling as wanting something nice to happen once in a while, instead of all the crap that life throws at you, and has done for as long as you can remember.  After a certain amount of time, you do grow used to the crap life chucks, you wish it wouldn't, but no matter how much you wish, it doesn't change a thing.  Sometimes it feels like someone is just waiting to throw yet another bunch at you, just when you feel everything is going ok. It's almost like having a devil sitting on your shoulder, kinda sleepy, and somebody pokes him and he gets all fired up and starts stoking up the fire again.  If only I could catch the little fellow, he would be the next lump of coal on my fire.

Well folks, I had a migraine come on this afternoon, tried to nap, and had to give up in the end, so I am shattered and still have a migraine - so I bet you have already guessed, I'm off to bed, and I'll catch you all on the other side.  If any of my ramblings make no sense - I apologise, my brain appears to go to mush very quickly at the moment, quicker when I have a migraine.

Night all

Monday, 17 November 2014

Day 18 - Pain Day

Well today, I'm popping into town, we need a new light bulb for the office - the one I bought, has gone base upwards, let's just say it's like being in Batman's Bat Cave, even during the day!

I seem to have a load of pain today, more than ever before, from my hips to my waist.  It's strange that when you get excruciating pain in one place, you don't seem to feel the pain in other places as much, even though it's still there.  I wonder where that pain goes, it doesn't just disappear.  It's not like it can go on holiday - not without me anyway.  

What's a holiday, I'm trying to remember, but it's hard, we had a couple of weekends away in 2005, but never a holiday, we never even had a Honeymoon in 2001!!  Oh well there are plenty of people who don't, and we have our furry family to think about.  

My fur babies are important to me, it's true what they say, about animals, they do help you relax, never ever doubt that.  Animals, never argue with you, their love is unconditional.  They don't care that your hair is a mess, that you only wear grotty clothes indoors, they listen to every word you say, and don't judge you.  They love you because you are you, and never try to change you.  If only humans could be the same, but many find it hard to have tolerance with people who don't like everything they do, and they can't understand why somebody would not like that thing.  I love F1 Grand Prix, but I understand that others for what ever reason don't.  It doesn't make me a bad person for enjoying it, but nor does it make anyone else a bad person for not like or enjoying it.

The opinion of one person is no more or less important, than any other, be it sport, music, hobbies or whatever.  If people believe that they like the best footballer, singer that is their opinion to which they are entitled, it's not for us to start arguments decrying their choice,  we should all be able to accept that they are different to us.

It occurred to me today, whilst walking back to the car, what kind of people it is that will actually be following the blog.  I mean why do people follow blogs, is it curiosity about what I have happening to me, or concern for what is happening to me.  Perhaps they could be total weirdo's, who don't have anything better to do, or think they might find out some gossip that would be worth spreading - they are in the wrong place if they are looking for gossip, because I won't share things like that.    In the past I trusted people, but found that those you trust the most, can and often will let you down, and are not really worth your trust at all - it's just one of those lessons you learn in life.  Once you have lost the deep trust in a person, for whatever reason, it's rare to ever get it back, and I'm not the sort of person who is able to forget things like that.

Anyway tomorrow could bring new appointments, apart from me going to the Dentist as well, so for now, I think it's time to get to bed.

Catch you all soon

Sunday, 16 November 2014

Day 17 - Letter arrived

Today the letter arrived from the Hospital, which is a copy of that sent to my GP and to the Doctor at the other Hospital.  

I'm not sure at present but there is either a typo in the letter in the list of medical conditions, or they have found something else as well, and nobody has bothered to tell me.  So I will be having words as you can imagine.  But I would rather not discuss it yet - family only for now.

The letter referred me to a Consultant Orthopaedic Surgeon for urgent investigation of a malignant disease affecting my L3 vertebra.

The letter was written on 13 November, so the Consultant should have his copy by now, and I can only hope that he gets his finger out this week, and things get moving on it.

Any typo's in this post can be blamed on the large amount of pva glue on my fingers - I've been gluing in more wooden dowels into the board for my threads.  If they fall out after all the glue I have used, it will be a miracle.

So now it's time for bed, with the hope that finally tomorrow I will be able to finish the darn board, and start sorting!

Night followers - catch you all on the other side.

Saturday, 15 November 2014

Day 16 - Chucking with Rain!

The rain was already falling when I woke in the very early morning - before the alarm, I don't care what time it is, so normally either have a drink, or go to the bathroom, then go straight back to sleep.  It was still chucking it with rain, when I got up.  Anyway by the time I was ready to go out, it had stopped.  Just needed to do Iceland and Lidl, before it threw anymore down.  I love being able to go to Iceland and pick what I need, and then leave it to them to deliver.  Then it was off to Lidl, I didn't even manage to stop today for a coffee - quite unusual for me!

Once Lidl was done, it was get petrol and then back home again.  The Iceland delivery was going to be between 5-7pm, which meant that I could have a nap.  Really needed it today, as I felt so very tired.  No idea why, I just did.

The Post came and went while I was out, not bringing the item I was expecting by First Class Signed for - I take it that it must be the start of silly season now.  It's Chris' Xmas pressie I am waiting for, I've got him an iPhone, I spoke to my provider yesterday, and got a good deal on a sim only contract, and the sim should be here by Monday - believe it when I see it.  I anticipate a period of time, where we have one part but not the other, and then he won't be able to check the phone out till the sim arrives.  We all know about boys and their toys, so a phone without a sim, is like giving the dog a bone and telling her not to eat it!  It just isn't going to happen.  Let's hope the Post lady brings the goods tomorrow.

Good job I don't have any Hospital or GP appointments for Monday, as late today I got a reminder that my Dental Check-up is Monday afternoon, oh well just another exciting week ahead I see.

I am determined to get the Thread storage board finished this weekend, as it will make thread selection so much easier.  Yes it would have probably been cheaper to buy something to store/display my thread on, but I will be initially store/display not just the embroidery thread spools, but also the normal sewing threads.  This then gives me time to make another so that each type will have it's own board.  Both boards once complete will have cost less than buying just one of the types that can be seen on various websites.

Right - bedtime here

Night folks - oh I added a Google+1 followers thing earlier today.  Do let me know if it works or not for you.

Friday, 14 November 2014

Day 15 - Waiting on the telephone

I really must thank all my readers, I will make it easier for you to follow very soon, but other things need to be done first that take priority.

11.45am - Phoned the hospital and spoke to a Secretary, who had my file in front of her and was working on it, she had already taken a call from my GP, and is faxing the notes over to him and the Hospital Doctor is going to be phoning my GP as well.  So at least I feel that something is moving on it, but if it doesn't start to move any quicker, in a couple of days, they might need to be introduced to some laxative or could we do an enema?? Any lady who has been pregnant, will know how much "fun" they can be, and how quickly they get things moving.   rofl I could have so much fun.

So after I had completed that I had to go out to Loughborough, to do a bit of Xmas Shopping.  This turned out to be rather a disaster.  Would you believe it, the had a flippin fun fair right in the town center. So that everywhere you went, you were constantly having to step over electric cables.  Honest it was the biggest health & safety hazzard I have ever seen, an accident waiting to happen.  One lady pushing a wheelchair, almost tipped her companion out, when she didn't realise there was yet another cable to negotiate.  I don't have a clue what happened to the normal market that is in town on a Thursday, so wasn't impressed.  All the rides were almost at the doors of shops, it was almost impossible to see what shops were behind them.  Anyway what with that and the fact that all I kept getting when I rang our house phone, was the engaged signal, I ended up coming home.  Turns out my phone call to the hospital, lasted a few hours, as the phone had not disconnected correctly - that will put the bill up next month - the new phone system takes the blame for that, as I am positive I clicked the disconnect button!!!!!  Not a happy bunny at all.

I was quite exhausted by the time that was sorted, so had a drink, and went for a nap,  which I was desperate for.  Not sure if I will get a nap tomorrow, as I need to go to market, Iceland etc.  Then when I get back, I will have to wait for Iceland to deliver, and as the dog doesn't have the ability to answer the door and take deliveries which have to be signed for, it means one of us has to do it.  Mia is just "Goods Inwards Inspector" for which she has to be paid, thank goodness she accepts Jumbone's rather readily as her payments.  Knowing my luck while I'm out a Doctor of some variety will call, and of course they won't speak to Chris, anyone would think I was nailed to the darn phones at the moment.

Right - I can't cope any longer, Malibu is happily laying next to me on the sofa, snoring her flippin head off!  She sounds more like a fleet of ships coming into harbour.  I suspect that Apollo and Snowdrop are curled up on my Office chair, and Concorde - she will be curled up in the middle of a pile of cushions on our bed.  She so needs a velvet cushion and a tiara to wear, and the look of disgust she gives when I go to get in bed is unbelievable.  Almost like I am intruding on her private space.  The dog is sitting next to Chris in the office, until that moment when I pass the door, and she barges her way past me to get to her dog bed which is at the end of our bed.  Quite why her dog bed is in the bedroom defeats me, she spends more time on our bed!  Perhaps she leaves it there in the vain hope that we might actually sleep in it instead of her.  In her dreams.  Anyone suggesting we sleep in the dog bed, will end up in the dog house!  And no we don't have a dog house, but believe me, I bet I could whip one up.

Night all

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Day 14 - Phoning GP

Well as I woke late today, I blame the wine - didn't wake till about 10.30am ish.  So I had to phone and ask for a phone appointment.  I had to have the Organ Grinder/Main GP, he had made himself aware of what he thought he was going to be chatting about.  So I proceeded to tell him our experience of yesterday and how they have discharged me from the clinic.  Although he hasn't received anything as yet, and he has asked me to phone tomorrow and speak to the secretary of the Dr I saw, and ask them to urgently Fax the discharge papers, so he can see just what the Dr is doing, or not as the case may be.  

I made sure he knew that I wasn't happy about being told I have cancer and yet, even after an MRI and a CT scan, nobody can tell me where the primary cancer is.  I need to know where it is, how big it is, how they can treat it and the secondary cancer.  I want to know what the prognosis is for what I have got.  Like I said to Chris tonight, so many people get diagnosed with cancer, and find out they only have a few weeks or months to live.  If I'm going, I want to know how much longer I have to annoy everyone I possibly can, what's the fun if you can't be annoying as well as so awkward as to dare to get cancer.  Life is to short to not have any fun.

So in the morning, I get to make phone calls and see how far I can get with the hospital.  But before that, Sainsbury's will be due, so I had better get to bed so I don't just turn over when the alarm goes, I'm not answering the door with almost next to nothing on, it's bad enough that the dog will wake the whole street - if they are not already awake.  That done I will then need to phone my mobile company to get Chris an iphone sim, and get his number moved over.  Tesco mobile on the O2 network and Vodaphone are totally useless where we live, so stuff them.  I don't have the patience with companies who can't provide a decent service.  I would say it's not a good time to upset me anymore than I am already.

Right bed time - I've had enough.

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Day 13 - Find Out

Well the day has dawned on what is probably the most difficult in all my life.  I don't feel any different to yesterday, but my eyes are leaking, I don't know why, but they are.

Lynda Bellingham - she was such a very brave lady, and so very strong.  I just hope I can be like that.  They just announced on Loose Women that the Lynda Bellingham advert for Oxo will be shown on Xmas Day.  This is a brilliant example of people power.  Ordinary people who want something to happen, and making it happen.  

People keep telling me that I'm strong, but I'm not as sure about that.  I've always hidden my feelings, I've found it easier.  Except when my Father and Mother died, then I just couldn't hide it.

Well what a waste of time going to the hospital was, I don't have Lung Cancer, but they don't know where the primary Cancer really is.  Honest I was so flippin angry, I don't know how I didn't explode.

They discharged me from that clinic, and said they will refer me to Orthopedics.  Forget the pin you stuck in the female picture yesterday in the lung area - try for another part - with the luck I'm having we will have diagnosed it before the hospital.  First thing in the morning, I am getting an appointment with my GP.  The further away you live from Leicestershire, the better, you will hear less of me screaming at Doctors.

Sorry that today turned out to be such a let down, it sure was for me anyway.  I wanted to know where the cancer was, and all they could tell me was where it wasn't.

So very very annoyed, I walked past the fridge and a bottle of Pinot Grigio jumped out, then those darn cats and dog drank it all!!!  I know, I know it's disgusting - but ya can't win them all.

So I am off to bed.  Night all.   xxx

Monday, 10 November 2014

Day 12 - The quiet before the storm.

Today has been very quiet, too quiet - well apart from when the delivery man who came with our new phone system - the other died last week around the same time the phone line went base upwards.  The noise of our door bell makes Mia dog go crazy, but hey - at least we know someone is at the door!  No matter how often you tell them she's blind and that's the only reason she does it, doesn't seem to make much difference, she still barks and they still look worried. In all truth, she couldn't find her way out of a paper bag, much less even chase one of the cats, tell her to "get that cat", cat goes left and she goes right!!

Talking of animals, I had to pop to the Co-Op earlier for milk, and when I got back to the car, there was a couple at the bus stop opposite with a erm...... thingy, animal on a lead.  No not a dog, not a cat or rabbit, smaller - much smaller - only got little legs, poor thing had trouble keeping up with the owner who had it on a lead. Don't think it was a weasel or a stoat - cos a weasel is weaselly identified, and a stoat is stoatly different.  It could have been a ferret I suppose, but I won't ferret around for laughs.

Moving swiftly on, tomorrow is Finding out day, I'm not saying what time, the only people that need know the time is my Husband, my Son and his girlfriend, they are my family who have been there for me since this all started, and they along with Chris' Mum, will be the first to find out or hear about it from either myself or Chris.  I feel so very lucky to have so many friends from Facebook, who leave me messages of support, or just chat with me privately when I need it.  I can't lay every single thing on my Husband and Son, and it wouldn't be right to do so.  If you have been kind enough to chat with me, then thank you.  The time you have taken is very much appreciated, when you only have a very small family circle to communicate with, it's often hard to find anyone who wants to chat or listen.

Don't get the wrong idea about this bit, but I'm not as stupid, as I may sometimes appear.  I can read, and yes I have looked up Secondary Spine/Bone tumour on the internet.  So I have got a pretty good idea already of what lays ahead of me, and what the prognosis is for that part of the cancer.  So if it's less, then that's a bonus. What is it they say "Expect the worst, and hope for the best".  You can't do much more than that, can you really??  We did the same when Chris was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis back in 2007.  I doubt we ever dreamt then that another life threatening condition would effect us.

As to the primary tumour, take a picture of a female and stick a pin in it where you think the primary tumour is.  You have as much chance of diagnosing it as I do.  It could be anywhere, breast, thyroid, brain, throat, lungs, stomach, bowel, but where ever it is, I will take it on.  Yes I am going to be upset, that's pretty obvious, I would be stupid and foolish if I were anything else.  It's not going to be fun I know that.  One thing I do ask, if you can't be nice/kind or helpful even, don't bother at all.  I don't have the time, energy or patience for those who want to be nasty, vile or anything else, so just don't bother, I don't want to know.

Right I am shattered, yet again I had no nap today, 4th day in a row, tomorrow will be day 5 I bet, so before I end up as a heap on the floor, quick relocate of a cat or 2, push the dog down the bottom of the bed, quite why I bother I don't know, she was flat out across the bed this morning - we both had our statutory 2 inches - on the edge!

Night all

Day 11 - A Surprise or shock??

Well knock me down with a feather, last night before crawling into bed, I thought I had better weigh myself, I don't do it very often, but thought why not, so I did.  Now we have to bear in mind that I was weighed by my GP at the beginning of this process that lead to my journey.  I was then 16st - yes I know well over weight, but I do remember what she said to me, that in no way was I to do any exercise regime until we found out what was wrong, or unless it was approved by my physiotherapist - I know a Doctor telling you not to exercise, but thinking the bone in my spine was in serious danger of further degeneration it was sensible.  Then I was weighed again when I went for the MRI, and was exactly the same weight.  So stepped on the scales, and stepped off again very quickly, thinking they needed adjustment, so checked they were set correctly and got back on.  Had I got the wrong glasses on?  Nope.  It said I was now 15st!!!!  I lost a whole stone in weight, now where the heck did that go?  Not that I am complaining, but not only did I not realise, but not sure where it has gone from!  Now if you happen to find it, don't bother sending it back, I don't need it.  I donate it freely to who ever needs it more than me.

Right now to get on with the Thread storage/display board, then it will be F1 Grand Prix time before I know it.

Well thought I had better finish today's post before I go find some space on the edge of the bed.  Totally enjoyed the Grand Prix in Brazil - such a shame we only have one race left this year.  The thread storage/display board, is half way finished.  It is taking longer than I thought, glue on the end of wooden dowels, which are then poked into holes on a board, repeat over 500 times, and you will be somewhere near understanding how time consuming this is.  Hopefully it will be finished tomorrow, then I can start sorting my threads.  At least it's keeping me busy.  If the cats and dog had opposable thumbs, I would be getting them to do it.

So I'm off to bed - no nap again either.

Night all.

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Day 10 - Grand Prix Weekend - Brazil

Brazilian F1 Grand Prix this weekend, so should have quite a quiet day tomorrow.  

Did the shopping today, so feeling quite tired now, despite having a quiet evening just watching tv.  I didn't get a nap, so not good, and with no nap yesterday, it's no wonder I feel so tired. I haven't even looked at the photo's I took last night, looks like I'm slipping a tad.

I think I will call it a night, and hopefully wake less tired tomorrow.  I know - not much today, but I get the feeling the coming week will make up for it.  What do you think??    Anyone taking bets yet?  lol

Tomorrow before the race, I want to get the Thread Board finished - this is what my Sewing and Machine Embroidery threads will be sorted onto, making it easier to pick the right colour that I need.  Pictures and full instructions will appear on my craft blog as soon as I can. I will put a link to it on this blog, so that you can find it should you so wish.  I want to try and keep my craft blog separate from this one.

I forgot to say, if you want to ask any questions, go ahead, if I can answer, I certainly will try.

Night all

Day 9 - Another Rock "N" Roll Evening

I woke this morning feeling bodily tired, but wanting to go out tonight, it's amazing just how lifted I felt after last Saturday's show.  Website was closed to selling tickets.  So have asked if anyone has a ticket I can purchase in the group, but not holding out much hope really. I have even emailed the Box Office.

12.58 WOW - I just got one of the last 4 tickets for tonight - Showaddywaddy here I come.

00.08 - 8 November 2014 - next time I will not create my own route ignoring what the Sat Nav says, because it will only lead to trouble.  Fancy closing off roads I want to travel on!!  But hey ho, never mind.  I had a great time and I am positive I will feel lifted tomorrow and at least until Tuesday, and well Tuesday is gonna be a whole different ball game.  But we will cross that obstacle when it arrives.

Anyway folks, I'm way over tired, and a tad annoyed, I lost a stone from a ring I was wearing tonight, Chris says "That's going to have to go the Jewellers for a start!"  Apparently aquamarines of that size don't grow on trees!!  Men always so dramatic!!

Night All xxx

Thursday, 6 November 2014

Day 8 - People who Lie about Cancer

The last few days, I have been on the laptop, in the Living Room, so I have been watching some Daytime TV, this is something I don't normally do, but during the Jeremy Kyle Show, he was reeling off a list of things that annoyed him, and one of the things was telling lies about having Cancer.  I have been trying to get round why anyone would lie about having such an awful thing.  Just being told it, totally destroy's your world as it was, not to mention that of your Husband, children and some extended family and friends.  There is no reward for being diagnosed with it.  As far as I can see, and I may be wrong here, it is just another way of attention seeking.  Do the people that do this, never have Hospital appointments, don't they take people with them to these appointments for support??  Or do they refuse to let anyone go with them??  I'm more inclined to think it's their brain that needs help in the form of counselling.  

The reason I am writing this blog, is in the hope that it may perhaps help someone else, who is diagnosed with cancer.  To let them know they are not weird, they are not on their own - yes it does feel very lonely - very very lonely, but you will be  able to find people who will have the time, and care enough to listen, and they are not just saying yes and no in what they think is the right places, fake people who try to make out they care are easy to spot, they try to change the subject or try to say something you did caused it.  There are millions of reasons as to why it can trigger in anyone.  It's not a time for recriminations, it's a time to remember to stay strong and positive.

Well this afternoon I went to Radiology at Hospital, to have a CT Scan both with and without dye.  That stuff is weird, made me feel like I was having a hot flush, and then afterwards, I ended up with a headache!  It took quite a while, and I didn't get out till 5pm - don't you just love rush hour - NOT!!  

I get the impression that it's going to be cold again tomorrow, so glad I took my coat today, or I would have frozen my assets off, and believe me you don't want that at this time of year.  I really must look around for a new winter coat, but not sure what I want, oh well, I will have to let my fingers guide me in the right direction. Window shopping is always good, even better when the windows are on the computer, so you don't even have to park the car.

Well my body is complaining that I have not had a nap today, I feel exhausted, so I think I will go to bed, as shopping has to be done tomorrow.

Night all

Day 7 - I can see clearly now

Today we went into town to collect our new specs, I hate having to get used to new ones, as I am ultra fussy about how they feel and sit, and if they are not to my liking, it takes me ages to adjust.  Now I just have to remember to swap over before I move away from a computer, and make sure I wear the right one's when I use the ipad, and not use it with my nose pressed against the screen!  Still at least they work and I can see better when I have them round the right way.

Well if you follow me on Facebook, you will know that tomorrow I have a Radiology appointment, and today I received an appointment for Tuesday next week to see a Consultant, and with luck we will know then where the primary is.

Today I have been reading about the many different types of Cancer, and how they spread - possibly not a brilliant idea, as it has had me in tears, but I would rather cry about it now than in public next week at the Doctor, when I really need to concentrate.  But I suppose I should get used to it, I get the feeling that crying will be a common occurrence in the future, anyway I think I'm entitled to, it's not often I do really.

We saw quite a big part of where the Shopping Centre had been hit by the mini tornado at the weekend, and another Building - The Montessori Building surrounded by scaffolding, which wasn't there last week.

Right I better get to sleep, Virgin are finally coming to fix the landline in the morning - I wouldn't want to hurry them or anything.

Catch you all tomorrow

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Day 6 - Wobble wobble

Well today was a wobble day - but like the Weebles, I wobble but have not fallen down as yet.  

I would like to thank those who took the time to chat with me today, I really do appreciate it.

I have been doing some research and it looks like as soon as I find out what type of Cancer it is I have and exactly where it is, I will loose my Driving License.  This will mean we will no longer be able to do the normal things that others take for granted.  We will be housebound, until such time as I am able to get it back.  It will cost us a fortune just to do shopping bits in town and visit the GP surgery.  Heaven only knows what it will cost to get back and forward to Hospital appointments.  Then there will be the knock on effect it will have on my Car Insurance, it really doesn't bear thinking about.

At least I have now got a Radiology appointment for Thursday, not sure quite what type of X-Ray's or scans they are going to do, just know I can't eat or drink for an hour before hand.  Eating won't be a problem, not so sure about the drinking, I'm always thirsty, and drink constantly - I even drink in my sleep I'm told.

Busy morning tomorrow, our new spectacles are ready for collection, so we have got to go collect them.  I think after that, I will do a couple of hours digitizing some graphics into embroidery designs.  Then as normal I bet my body will need a nap.  Soon find out when my nose hits the keyboard, and I end up with QWERTY imprinted on my forehead.

Night all xxx

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Day 5 - Whoooaaahhhh Hold on there....!!!

Do you ever get those light bulb moments?  I do, had one this morning, making me almost sit bolt upright.  Well I would have done but can never sit when I first wake up.

Anyway my light bulb moment was this - In November last year I visited the GP with the problem of something causing me problems when I eat/swallow.  They did blood tests, and also referred me to the Leicester Royal Infirmary to a Mr Udin.  I won't say it was an enjoyable appointment, not unless you enjoy having a camera shoved up your nose and down your throat, wiggled about and then whipped out again.  If you do have to have this, don't eat before hand unless you have a very strong stomach, or your Consultant might need a change of clothing!  Mine couldn't see anything, but he decided to get an X-Ray done with a Barium contrast swallow.  This one is not nice - the Barium stuff is disgusting!  The X-Ray is then done taken from the mouth, then down the body to the stomach and then into the bowel.  It's a bit like being on a Roller Coaster at Disneyland or Alton Towers, some are taken with you standing up, some your laying down, sometimes it feels like upside down.  Perhaps not eating before this is also a good idea for those with a weak stomach.

I didn't get the results of this test until March 2014, the test had taken place in December.  I saw another Dr who gave me the result of this test.  He said that it had shown up a bone growth, called an Osteophyte caused by my Osteoarthritis.  When I asked if anything could be done about it, I was told not normally.  Basically I had to live with it!  I did mention this problem to my GP again and she wrote to the Consultant, as Chris had found a report about a man in USA, that had the same thing, and it had been removed, he was an elderly gentleman, and I believe he still is alive.  We waited what seemed like ages for a reply and when it came back, the Consultant had told the GP to prescribe Gaviscon.  I laughed when she told me this, I couldn't help, it just popped out.  Gaviscon was/is the last thing I needed, my stomach valve problem is already controlled by 2 different medications, and adding another won't help with my problem eating/swallowing.  

My consumption of any food has seriously reduced with the onset of this problem, not that I ate a great deal before anyway.  My GP's have been on at me for years to eat more, but I find it physically impossible to consume large or even moderate amounts of food, there is always food left on my plate.  I just ignore people who tell me I'm fat, they have no idea of my medical conditions, and probably are looking at photo's of me that are at least a year out of date.  I know this as I received some nasty such abuse via the Sainsbury's page on Facebook.  Honest some people really need to get a life, for the life of me I can't understand why they do it, it's worse than kids in playgrounds.  Anyway, I get the idea, that this disease is gonna need the extra weight, or I could disappear down the bath plug.

Well I didn't get any calls, I bet if I was paying or a Politician they would have seen me by now.  Oh well this is what life is like when you have to rely on a Service over burdened by Health Tourists - that I can't see changing soon.

Very tired again today, so I'm off to bed once I have posted this.

Sunday, 2 November 2014

Day 4 - And reeeeelaxxxxxxxxxx

Who am I kidding, certainly not me, just been downloading the images from last nights gig!  Folder numbers have doubled up, individual file names have doubled up, the only way to work it out is to go by time - thank goodness something worked out right, with 35 folders with an average of 90-180 in each, it's gonna take some working on lol.

But that can wait, as I need to go Morrisons and get some bits - run out of our favourite coffee for the Tassimo machine - the Kenco Colombian is seriously good stuff.  Once those bits are done, I will need to sort the dinner so it's cooked before my F1 Grand Prix from USA starts around 6pm, that and dealing with the washing machine and dishwasher, should keep me pretty busy.

I'm not really quite sure how I feel today, been trying to find out more about secondary spinal tumors, where and how they migrate to other area's of the body, and from what I have been reading, it could be anything from Thyroid, Lung or Ovarian.  If it is the Ovarian type, it would account for why the weight loss that I had, which has come back, and I have suffered with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome for many years, and it does run in families - I don't know if any of my female relatives have it, as nobody seems to talk about things that are wrong with them - totally weird to me, as I have always believed that if you have something that could be inherited, then you should speak to other relatives about it - it could save their life, you just never know.  For goodness sake forget about embarrassment or what ever - talk about it - you don't have to give your full personal details, just say I have xxx disease and it runs in families, that way they can choose for themselves if they want to get checked out.  If more people talked about these things, there would be a lot less people being seriously ill through ignorance.  Ignorance is not bliss.  Ignorance prevails due to people thinking "I'll be alright, I don't smoke, drink or what ever".  Do they bother to think about the number of babies/children each year that are diagnosed with Cancer - I'm quite sure they have not been smoking/drinking etc. but they get diseases all the same. (kicking soap box to one side for now)

I'm very very tired, no nap again today - I understand it's part of the illness, so I'm calling it a night at 23.00.  I hope you all have a good week.